In The Storm
by PyroChilde
Summary: After the memorial service for those that died in Sunnydale after the First, Buffy remembers the man she lost.


Summary: After the memorial service for those that died in Sunnydale after the First, Buffy remembers the man she lost.  
Disclaimer: Joss owns all the characters from BtVS, AtS, ect.. I just like to play with them :)

AN: I've just started writing fics so anything you've got to say would be greatly appreciated! PLEASE REVIEW!

**In The Storm**

**By: PyroChilde**

In all her years as the slayer, after everything she'd gone through, Buffy didn't think there was anything that she couldn't handle. Standing alone in a privately owned graveyard in London, the undefeatable slayer learned otherwise. Thunder roared and lightning flashed through the pitch black night sky. It looked as if a horrendous storm was raging and yet not a single drop of rain fell. Strange that the weather seemed to perfectly reflect what the little blonde was feeling. Her emotions raged, loss, pain, grief, anger, guilt, regret, they swirled around inside her and yet on the outside she was still and quiet. Not one tear escaped from her tortured emerald eyes. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul and it was true. Anyone looking into this broken woman's eyes would see the torment in her soul.

Hours had gone by since the short and sweet little memorial service the Sunnydale survivors had held for those they'd lost in the battle against the First. It hadn't been anything like the other funerals she'd attended, her mother's and Tara's being the most memorable. It hadn't been full of tears and pain, but instead had been a celebration of the "heroes" that had given there lives for the good fight. No one had really known any of the girls that died so though the saddness was there, that agonizing grief of losing one of your own wasn't. Of course it hurt to say goodbye to those that had fought alongside them, but it wasn't the same. After the rest of them had left however, Buffy was left alone to remember the one that they hadn't mentioned. Standing beside a stone memorial, she mourned for the one man that she had ever truly loved.

She could remember every moment they'd spent together, both the good and the bad. The year after she'd come back from Heaven and the way she'd used and abused him haunted her and she knew that it probably always would. The few stolen moments they'd had together in the end made her heart ache and her soul cry out. When she thought of all the time she'd wasted refusing to accept his love, of all the times he'd tried to show her how good it could be and she'd just beaten him down, it made her sick. It was those last seconds that she remembered most vividly though. Standing there in that cavern, their clasped hands bursting into flames, looking into his bright blue orbs and wishing she could drown in them. She'd found the courage then and told him what she'd realized so long before and what he'd longed to hear for years. "I love you." She'd whispered. "No you don't, but thanks for saying it." That brought a smile to her face despite the pain because she knew that he knew. He'd always known her better than she knew herself. He was the one person that she'd never been able to fool. Even when they were enemies, he'd always seen right thorugh her lies. When she told him she loved him, there been that oh so brief look of awe and wonderment that assured her that he'd believed her. Then she'd seen his concern for her well-being and he'd done what he thought he had to and denied her words. Still, she saw his denial for what it was, his last gift to her. He was letting her go, telling her that it was alright to move on though she knew she never could, and he was protecting her. Even as he stood burning from the inside out, he thought of her well-being first.

Running out of there had been the single most difficult thing she'd ever had to do, even more difficult that killing Angel had been. Still she'd done it for him, because she knew that he would never forgive himself if she were to be hurt for or because of him. So she'd ran and she hadn't looked back until they'd stopped and the dust had cleared. Now, standing beside this memorial she laid down a single blood red rose, and in that moment she knew and she smiled through the tears filling her eyes. This wasn't the end of them, it couldn't be.

"Until we meet again my love." she whispered as she allowed a single tear to roll down her cheek. Turning and walking away from the spot without caring that had any of her friends overheard, they'd have thought she was crazy. It didn't matter because she knew in her gut that she was right and they would meet again. After all, how could there be a world without Spike? No, it wasn't over and she would see her vampire again. Until then, no matter how much it hurt or how long it took, she would enjoy the gift he had given her. She would live her life and try to be happy, but when they met again, her heart would still belong to Spike. It was only a matter of time.


End file.
